The Jerk Store Called: Week 2 – Edmonton at SaskatchewanHere we go!Okay, so here’s the deal: I didn’t post a column last week and was planning on closing the Jerk Store for renovations for the season, as I am taking a couple of summer classes, getting married, going on a honeymoon, and trying to find enough beer to give me the confidence to face the gong show that this summer is going to be. However, I received a plea from my reader (singular) to re-open the Store and I agreed to do so, if only on an occasional basis. For those new to this space, I apologize if I offend. I take the worst-looking matchup from the previous week and basically rip on it for a handful of paragraphs, recycling the same jokes and toeing the line of what’s acceptable according to the Riderfans.com Code of Conduct. I promise little to no actual insight, but more of a fun look into the sport we all love so much. Anyway, let’s do this!Usually I try to avoid focusing these columns on Rider contests, but it’s hard to argue that this wasn’t the worst game of the week. The ineptitude that was beamed into my 50” Panasonic plasma (purchased from the boys at Radio Centre, by the way) was beyond description. It was a constant stream of errors, missed assignments, and the over-reliance on what wasn’t working. By the 3rd or 4th punt, I was already screaming profanities at my television and confusing my fiancée. I am referring, of course, to the cavalcade of disaster known as the Idiots Rod Black and Duane Forde. How does Rod Black confuse Justin Harper and Chris Getzlaf? A “2” does not look like a “9” Mr. Black. And besides that, there’s a bit of a difference in the physical appearance of the pair – that of course being that Harper is good looking, Getz is only slightly more attractive than Ricky Ray. At one point, Idiot Forde asked Idiot Black why he wasn’t a part of the Kraft Celebration Tour. In reality, TSN did invite Black, but he got hopelessly lost at the airport because of his utter confusion about gate numbers and missed his plane.I am not trying to take anything away from the Rider defense – they were beyond dominant with, like, 23 sacks and allowing nothing more than the occasional 7 yard scamper to some running back who has never done anything in the league, save for cool backflips in losing efforts. Do you all remember the fervour on rf.com when Hugh Charles was traded for whatever it was we got for him? Sure, Cates was almost done the back nine of his career, but that uproar has to show us how empty Mr. Miller’s cookie jar was. What would Disgraced Former Rider GM have to toss in with Charles today in a trade for Kory Sheets? I wouldn’t take the “bounty” Edmonton received for Ricky Ray thrown in with a Charles for Sheets trade. Oh, and thanks for Xavier Fulton.Tillman, though, does deserve a bit of credit. Once Stevie “Styles” Jyles figures out his receivers can’t run a 2.1 second 40 time, and that the fans wearing green in row 17 aren’t his teammates, he can reel in that rocketship arm of his. It’s not like he’s been a subpar backup quarterback on half of the teams in the league, accomplishing next to nothing in what is now his 7th year in the CFL. Plus, Kerry Joseph gets the team a senior’s discount at Shoppers Drug Mart, saving the franchise tens of dollars on Tensor bandages and a limited variety of groceries. Buy hey, it’s not like Kavis wasn’t on board with the Ray trade. He wasn’t? Oh. Wonder why not…I should give some credit to Edmonton’s defense as well. They were really, really good. Their D-Line was almost as dominant as ours. The difference is that the Riders were able to move the chains a couple of times between punts. In case you didn’t hear it from the Idiot Rod Black, J.C. Sherritt was a force. Edmonton’s special teams held “Sideways” Sinorice Moss to next to nothing (not Dressler, though). When you give up 17 points in the CFL, you should win most of the time. But, I guess, when your punter outscores your offense by an immeasurable percentage, that’s not going to be the case.All in all, I’m feeling fantastic about this Rider team. I know we’re only in week 3, and a whole heck of a lot can change, but we’re also 2-0. Coming into this season, I was hoping for a 9-9 finish, likely getting to a slow start as guys gel with their new coach and his system, but I’ve been blown away by the level of intensity seen on the field. Chamblin expects the best from his guys on every single play, and so far he’s gotten it, but is resting on no laurels. He’s not afraid to sit established vets who aren’t getting the job done, and that’s a refreshing change. Just knowing we can win – whether or not we do – is an unbelievable feeling over last year when you had to start drinking a couple of hours before kickoff so you didn’t have to remember what happened in the game itself. Bring on the Lions… meow?Random Notes• Loved the first quarter from David Veikune. A nice sack, but seeing a guy whose jersey number starts with “9” making a ST tackle 40 yards downfield is freaking sweet.• Aside from one play, our linebackers have been fantastic for two weeks in a row.• Edmonton’s road jerseys like something a unicorn barfed up. • Man, are Odell and Hawk a handful. More so even than Montez Murphy and Luc Mullinder were last year. • Sad to see Bowman go down like that in garbage time on a nothing play. While I’ve never liked the guy, you don’t want to see that kind of catastrophic injury.• Did Kyle Koch go to the Marc Parenteau Football Snapping Fantasy Camp in the offseason? I’ve never seen so many flaccid snaps.• Speaking of Koch’s, now that Bowman’s out, maybe it’s time for Cary Koch to really erect his game with the Esks. • What’s up with the hair removal product ads during CFL telecasts? I know football fans come in all genders, but these seem better suited for the Life network. • On a related note, the more the ad for a hair removal product claims it is “painless”, you can expect serious pain. • The early forecast for Saturday is one million degrees with a UV rating of a zillion. We have to have an advantage, having practised in this heat for weeks. Let’s prove we belong!That’s it for me, folks. Follow me on Twitter (@Mr_Rondeau) if you like what you read!
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