The Jerk Store Called: Week 6 - Montreal at Toronto
Here we go!
Apologize to my loyal reader(s) for the absence of a column last week. Moved (twice, but that's beside the point) and wasn't able to watch any of the games, except ours. Anyhow, I'm back with a heavy/angry heart at the debacle that is the Saskatchewan Roughriders.
I thought about writing another column about our team - how we lack any chemistry; how we have no real spark outside of Weston; how our coaching staff is completely outclassed; how there is no identity whatsoever on this team; how our offense is comparable to a peewee team both in terms of execution and imagination. But I won't do any of that. I'd hate to be labelled a bandwagon jumper. On the plus side, our D isn't quite as bad as the O.
The only game I watched intently with any semblance of sobriety was another pasting of the Toronto Argonauts at the hands of the Alouettes. What a massacre. The Argo's were less than terrible for the first part of the game, even going toe to toe with the Als. Unfortunately, CFL games are more than three drives long.
Here's how bad it ended up for the Argos: Dahrran Diedrick scored enough TD's to give each fan in attendance a souvenir ball. Dahrran Diedrick. Puttin' the team on his back! I know he's a nobody because the ridiculous spelling of his first name hasn't been added to my MS Word dictionary yet, so he's not even crappy enough to make fun of. Their best running play took points OFF the board. Cleo Lemon played his best game as a pro, and still put up only 23 points. As usual, their longest play was a kick return. They looked so bad, they were almost Riderlike. Almost.
There were a couple of bright spots for the Argos, however. As mentioned above, they didn't disappoint many fans. No defensive player scored a 109 yard touchdown against them after a botched goal line plunge. Their offense got the second half off, so they should be fresh for next week. And, more importantly, they are reality TV stars. That oughta get them a free Supersize for their lunch from the star struck fan at the McDonalds. Good times.
Can you completely blame Toronto, though? After all, they were facing the Alouettes, who are led by Anthony Calvillo. He's as good at playing football as anyone has ever been at anything in the history of time. One time, a woman was impregnated by his sideburns. The beauty of his three step drop has been known to cure erectile dysfunction. He was the inspiration for Dr. Manhattan in Watchmen, as he once went back in time - riding on a football that only he could throw hard enough to reverse the earth's polarity - to kill Hitler. I know these stories seem embellished, but Rod Black fawns over the guy so hard they must be true.
In fairness, when the Als are on, they are untouchable. No way Winnipeg or Edmonton can compete with that offense. I do have great respect for Calvillo. I think any of the Durant/Calvillo comparisons are outrageous at this point in DD's young (regressing) career. Montreal really doesn't do too many things wrong and they have a coach that can manage a game (On a related note, and without naming any names, why do rookie head coaches with 10+ years of coordinator experience get ANY leeway when talking about clock management? A casual fan knows that you call a timeout when there are 30 seconds left in a half, the play clock shows "2", and the offense looks confused. Or maybe call it when you're lining up to kick a long field goal with no holder present. Do you need years of head coaching experience to figure out you can throw the flag on a touch-and-go reception late in the half when you still have challenges remaining? Again, not naming names.).
The game was solid for about seven minutes, watchable for the rest of the half, and then disastrous.
- Congrats to Alex Subber for going three straight games without requiring trainers to extract his mouthguard from his windpipe. The streak is alive, and so is Alex Subber.
- Get well Fred Stamps. You're a beast and the league needs you. Don't be afraid to schedule that follow-up visit with your doctors for Monday, October 10. After all, health is everything!
- Did anyone notice that Calvillo passed Damon Allen for all time completions? I wish Rod Black had let us know how far away he was from the record after every single snap and then talked about it hundreds of times after he got the record or something so those of us watching on TV could give him a clap.
- How come Buck Pierce is the victim of the "Holy Jeez!" hit of the week every week? This time it involved a bench and a stationary bike. Just try and top that next week, Buck!
- If the Mullinder deal wasn't a result of Chick's camp hinting at his soon-to-come release, I am vexed. Luc isn't great, but dang it, he's all we had!
- Kevin Glenn is 12th all time in passing yards? Really? If he plays another 15 years he might have another record to add to his "only QB ever to lose a crossover at home" record. He has done so twice. Next on the list is a tie between every other quarterback in CFL history at 0.
- Congrats to Geno for 271. Class act, timeless, and a prairie boy to boot! As amazing was that of Aldag's 270, 268 were consecutive. However, Jack Abendschan kicked way more field goals than both put together.
That's it for me, folks!
If you like what you read, follow me on Twitter @Mr_Rondeau for more!
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