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The Jerk Store Called: Week Two – Calgary at BC
Here we go!
Okay, so I wasn’t around for Canada Day weekend, as I was camping in Manitoilet and their bass-ackwards universe is unfamiliar with such a technological advance as 4G, or 3G. I think they have just upgraded to lower-case “g” cellular service out there. Whatever they have, it isn’t good for much. That ruled out watching the games on my telephone. And being as I was busy drinking beer and listening to a Canadian Music Playlist, I couldn’t listen to the games on Sirius, if they even carry the games anymore.
Then, on Tuesday I got engaged. I selected the most romantic spot I could find (Echo Auctions in Fort Qu’Appelle - seriously), and was promptly whisked into a world of “engagement parties”, which seemed to be nothing but alcohol fuelled fiascos. The only CFL action I was able to see was the Rider “game”, infuriated at the universe, but I’m sure the rules of this site wouldn’t allow most of my commentary as it borders on verbal assault.
Then, last night, TSN re-ran the Calgary/BC game which gave me a great excuse to not watch the MLB Home Run Derby (back, back, back, back, back!) and refresh my booze-filled Friday night brain about what was a much better game than I recalled it to be. I think that’s because any sense of lucidity dissolved with around 18 seconds left in the first half.
On to a game that had it all. Henry Burris turned the ball over a whole bunch of times, which I liked very much. I really don’t miss the guy here. I sincerely believe we wouldn’t have won in 2007 if he had stuck around. However, I still hate the guy. I am always pleased to see him stinking up the joint. Yes, I realize he threw for nearly three bills and had three touchdown passes. But I would estimate 200 of those yards came after catch. And he threw three picks. And had 3 fumbles. I don’t care what the CFL says, that debacle at the end was on him. He missed the bread-basket. He will get no support from me, but he has many devices to provide ample support. Lift and separate!
Another huge highlight of the game was seeing Mike Bishop run in a touchdown. I love the guy. He’s pure excitement. Granted, if he was signed to back up DD, I would probably have set myself on fire by now, but you gotta admit he brings that “what in God’s name will he do now” attitude and swagger with him on every play. The best part is that even he has no idea what’s about to happen. It’s like watching an old person try to merge onto a busy highway. And I love his soothing voice. I think his tiny walnut-sized brontosaurus brain runs out of power between the action of thinking a thought and then trying to articulate it with his mouth. He needs one of those Mastercraft Eliminators to charge things up.
While we are on the subject of entertaining quarterbacks with a disability, is there a more entertaining quarterback in football that bravely battles through the difficulties of being a redhead than Travis Lulay? The guy makes a lot of plays, and even though between the hair and freckles it looks like a cow took a poo through a screen onto his head, he’s a blast to watch. The CFL really does have a stable of entertaining young QB’s these days. I thought MuCune had literally killed Lulay, but he showed a lot of grit to gingerly get back to the sidelines. Good on him.
Also enjoyable was watching receivers I hate screwing up a bunch. Geroy “Leroy” Simon, I’m looking at you. You displayed the eye-hand dexterity of a young Jason French on that game-tying two point attempt. Oops. Looks good on ya! And then there’s Johnny Forzani. Though he’s never done anything to draw my ire, I still don’t like the kid. I wish my dad owned a professional football team so I could live out my dreams. The kid seemed to be open a lot, and then I realized they stopped covering him because he has hands like feet. Still Forzani is way the heck better than Kevin Feterik, whom I am not sure had ever seen a football before his dad –channelling his inner Homer Simpson - got him a spot on the QB depth chart. At least by granting Forzani a starting spot, it ensures that polarizing Canadian running backs are able to get $1200 worth of winter clothing for $538. Gotta be a favourite teammate.
I was ready to jump on the Rider brass when I saw Venezuelan Rene “Lonesome Kicker” Paredes make about 3 miles worth of field goals in consecutive weeks as we struggled with a bunch of chaff, but it’s too early and Eddie is looking too good. I wonder how much of his struggles came because he was a bit off balance without his sweet duster. Either way, I won’t complain about Taman, Hopson, Miller and Co.’s inability to find a kicker because I love Eddie. Maybe Montez Murphy needs a moustache. Or some steroids. Are there any moustached cornerbacks out there?
But I digress. A terrible football game turned into a great game when watched with a sober eye. Sure, it would have been better if Burris’ gaffe ended up costing his team the game, but they’ll find a handful of opportunities to beat themselves as the season rolls on. And what the heck, we’re 0-2, but the sun is shining and life’s pretty good, save for when the Green and White drop into zone coverage.
- Ran into Diamond Ferri and Jeff Perrett at the Rooftop on Friday night. Ferri is built like a brick with the least intimidating name in the history of unintimidating names. Perrett is about the largest man I have ever seen. Both seemed like nice guys, but I assume they are horrible human beings because they play for the Als.
- I know the CFL is a pass-oriented game, but why can’t anyone run the ball efficiently?
- I think Purolator’s food for sacks campaign is admirable, but could they have found a windier day to film their commercial with Chris Schultz? Also, could he have found a more ill-fitting suit?
- I wish they’d let Bob Cole do on BC Lions game to hear him try to pronounce Elimimian just once.
- I am glad they didn’t show a close-up replay of Stanley Franks’ injury. That looked bad.
- Can someone please tell me why coaches still use the placemats instead of iPads? You could have videos of each play, links designed with each potential play for each situation, and you could note efficiency in real time. You could show players video on the sidelines instead of black-and-white stills. Why isn’t anyone doing this?
- Could Suitor and Cuthbert not have made the flight from BC to Regina by game time and saved the considerable TV audience from the Idiots Forde and Black opining on the Grey Cup Rematch?
- If anyone knows of a good spot in Regina for a wedding/reception for 200ish people, PLEASE send me a PM! PLEASE! I didn’t realize proposing would lead to so much nagging already. Where’s the refractory period?
That’s it for this week. Follow me on Twitter @mr_rondeau for more “gold” and Rider-related chirps that I couldn’t get away with posting on the best CFL site in the world!
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